NB’s Diary: My Blind/Double Date Experience

I read a post on NaijaSingleGirl a few weeks ago that brought back memories of dates gone wrong. I just had to comment on the post and ended up narrating a bad experience I had. The comment was as long as a post on its own. Anyway, I have come here to narrate another one of those bad experiences for those who believe bad dates only happen in Naija.

The year was 2003 and winter was already on its way. I was living somewhere in central Texas at the time and though the weather was chilly, I never got cold enough to snow or make a man feel like a shrivelled up raisin if you know what I mean. My best friend at the time (let’s call him Apollo) had been tasting this chick up in Dallas and had finally made plans to drive up and see her. He invited me to come along since he didn’t want to make the drive on his own and e even asked his lady friend to hook me up with one of her friends for the day. I wasn’t busy that weekend so I had no qualms agreeing to this plus the opportunity to meet someone new and maybe strike up a rapport was a welcome idea.

We planned the double date for Saturday afternoon. Apollo and I would drive up to Dallas early that morning and hook up with the ladies after which we would go downtown to the aquarium and then have lunch somewhere nice but not too fancy. It was supposed to be a day trip since Dallas was just 3 hours away and we needed to be in church the next day. Both Apollo and I were worship leaders at our church at the time (Yes, your boy had a decent voice. Not spectacular but I can definitely hold m own). We let the girls choose the activities (BIG MISTAKE) since Apollo and I didn’t know Dallas enough to really plan anything.

That morning, it was a bit chilly in town but nothing a thick long-sleeve shirt couldn’t handle. After checking that we were warm enough in long-sleeves, jeans and boots, we took off without jackets, gloves or scarves (SECOND ERROR). We were about halfway to Dallas on the I-35 when we hit a traffic jam. After about 10 minutes, traffic stopped moving completely. Turns out Texas was much colder the farther north we travelled and there was ice on the road. The authorities had closed the highway so they could salt the road and make it safer for vehicles to pass without losing control. By this time, we were beginning to see the error of our ways and regretted not taking warmer clothing along. At least the car heater was working but what would happen when we got to Dallas?

We spent about 3 hours waiting for the road to be reopened and it was already 12pm when we finally got moving again. We had called the girls several times already to apologise for our tardiness and they were very understanding and waited patiently for us to get there. It took us about another hour and a half to finally arrive at their apartment. The minute we stepped out of the car, the brutality of the Dallas weather hit us and mehn, I was feeling myself shrivel up in places men don’t like to shrivel. Seeing the girls made it all worth it though (at least for the moment). Apollo’s date (let’s call her Bell) was gorgeous and the girl she set me up with (let’s call her Beau) was even more beautiful than she was. After having spent 6 hours on the road for a trip that should not have taken more than 3 hours, we were rewarded with two beautiful ladies who were happy to see us.

The first activity was the trip to the aquarium. The plan was to drive to the train station, park the car, take the train downtown and walk from there to the aquarium. Now all this planned walking had me worried because no jacket and all in increasing cold weather but I was not about to let that stop me from having a wonderful day with the gorgeous Beau. The train ride was fun. We got to know each other and the girls laughed at all our jokes (yeah, men love that). We arrived downtown and though Apollo and I were freezing our asses off, we took it like men. At least we would be warm inside the aquarium. Or so we thought. Not only were we not warm when we got to the aquarium, the aquarium was not even open. MOTHER OF GOD! We walked all this distance only to find out we walked for nothing. The girls had neglected to do an online check or call ahead to make sure we weren’t coming on a day when the place would be closed. I wanted to cry but I knew my tears would freeze in my eyeballs and that would probably be more painful that freezing my manhood off.

I consoled myself by looking at my beautiful date  and thinking it was all worth it if I could get someone this beautiful to fall for me. So on to the next activity. Lunch was bound to be a much better experience. So we walked back to the train, and picked up the car where we left it. We asked the girls where we were going for lunch and the said there was a nice Mexican restaurant they had picked out. You see, where Apollo and I lived, Mexican restaurants where usually decently priced and the food was not too shabby. Apparently Apollo had told his date that our budgets were a bit tight and they had been considerate enough to pick a restaurant that wouldn’t break the bank. Or so I though. When we got to the part of town where the restaurant was located and I started seeing Ferrari, Porsche and Mercedes Benz all over the place I knew we were doomed.

These girls had chosen a gourmet restaurant that was pretending to me Mexican in the middle of the most upper class neighbourhood of Dallas. Imagine Apollos 1998 Nissan Altima sandwiched between a Jaguar and a Bentley. I naturally had to use the toilet as soon as we got into the restaurant. When you see ordinary waiter eyeing you from head to toe like “una miss road?”, you know you’re in trouble. Long story short sha, we proceeded to spend about $100 per plate of “Mexican food” and then the madams (notice I am no longer calling them ladies) proceeded to order seconds (I kid you not! THEY ACTUALLY ATE TWO DISHES EACH). Come and see two grown men excusing themselves and going to the restroom to do account and make sure we won’t have to wash dishes. These women had erased our entire date budget and more in one meal.

When the bill came, we sha settled up knowing we would be eating noodles for the next few days and went to drop our dates at home. When we got to their apartment, they said they had something for us and invited us in. Ghen ghen! At least the day was about to get better. What was it that they wanted to surprise us with? They left us in the living room and went into the bedroom and I was busy getting excited. Bad as e bad, she will sha kiss me and thank me for the awesome day we had. That was how they came out with their hands behind their backs and proceeded to surprise us with flowers (I kid you not). They gave us bouquets of flowers that they had obviously picked right outside their apartment. Not even the fancily arranged kind you get from a shop.

Again, I wanted to cry but fear of frozen eyeballs stopped me. By this time it was really late and the weather was horrible so we called up a friend who lived in town and asked if we could spend the night. We would set out early the next morning and still make it in time for church.

The next morning, the fog was epic and driving was a nightmare. We couldn’t see more than a few meters in front of us and we ended up missing our exit and driving to Austin which was 3 hours away from Dallas. Imagine us thinking we were close to home and realising we had been driving in the wrong direction the whole time. We were not 5 plus hours away from our destination. At this point the Nigerian in me came out in full force and till today Apollo still doesn’t understand half of the curses I rained on him for dragging me out of my comfortable apartment to come and blow money on the kind of trip I wouldn’t wish on my enemy.

Beau called me a couple of weeks later talking about how she thought we’d hit it off and she had been expecting me to call and schedule another date. Till today, she doesn’t understand a word of the curses I rained on her that day.

On a normal day, I would have been able to handle any one of the things that happened to us that day and chalk it up to coincidence but all that in one date was too much for me to handle abeg.

That’s just one of my blind date experiences. What’s yours? Let hear about it in the comments section.

NB